Oh great, a cliched, titled post but "bear with" and let me tell you about a certain person suffering from imposters syndrome who decided to say YES when presented with the opportunity to show her work in a group show.
Initially, I was flattered and excited when the fabulous Ira from Art by Ira asked me to join her next group show entitled " Love of the Land" especially as it was going to be held at our recently refurbished ( post-earthquake) Arts Centre in central Christchurch. I even began getting organised early, which is quite unusual for me, designing a tea-towel depicting the contours of our land and a couple of graphic quilts which had been floating around in my mind for a while.
All was good and progress was being made but then doubts began to win. Firstly I couldn't think how to display my work as I didn't want it to look like a market stall feeling like a gallery deserved a different kind of vibe and then the dreaded self-doubt re-introduced itself to me with a massive dose of "imposters syndrome" aka who do you think you are thinking you could stand alongside proper artists-stick with your day job" Instead of feeling excited and motivated the negatives were winning and I was floundering.
So how did I end up with the display you see in the picture above? Well, I started talking to myself and to fellow creatives expressing how I was feeling my fellow creatives were so supportive but if you've ever dealt with internal struggles you know how difficult it is to really listen when someone else’s is trying to support you. That was me internally freaking and struggling to make decisions.
With a week to go until opening night I felt like I was letting an amazing opportunity slip through my fingers but then the strangest thing happened- I was covering a Chemistry class for an absent colleague, the students were focused and on task and I was just sitting in the lab supervising and as my mind began to wander it suddenly came to me how I wanted everything to look - thank goodness.
So to cut a long story short, my display evolved from that moment and it was like a turning point for my confidence too so that by opening night it all came together and I participated in my first official non-school related show.
Side Note: if you only knew what a major thing it is for me to post pics of myself you would realise how much out of my comfort zone I am-especially the group pic which my whanau have entitled-the floating head-I wonder why!